Homer in a helluvalotta pain
Homer: "Hey? Can you take the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once."
Grandpa Simpson: "Ahhhhhh!"
Homer (crying): "It's all over, Marge, it's all over!"
Grandpa: "Alright, I'm goin'!"
Apu: "For the next five minutes, I'm going to party like it's on sale for $19.99!"
Apu: "I am loathe to interrupt your meditation, Sir, but the time has come for money to change hands."
Apu: "Please come again!"
Apu: "We're putting that bitch on ice!"
Apu: "Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it!"
Apu: "No no, no no - no no no!"
Apu mortalizes the opening to "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band".
Apu: "My ceiling mirrors and video cameras sometimes see more than who is about to shoot me!"
Apu: "'t may not be glamorous, but it's good, honest work." Child: "How much is this Quart of Milk?" Apu: "Twelve Dollars."
The show's producer's must have had fun with the censers with this exercise in the legitimate use of the word 'bastard' on TV.
Homer: "God bless those Pagans!"
Marge: "How about a book?" Homer: "Woow! OK!" Marge: "A TASTEFUL book." Homer: "Oh - alright."
Lisa: "My concience is bothering me." Homer: "Your CONCIENCE? LISA! Don't let that pushy little weenie tell you what to do!"
Bart: "THAT was BRILLIANT!"
Mayor Quimby: "Come back here! I'm not through demeaning you!"
Homer: "Well then, I've got a backup plan. See? While the unprepared are still sitting around, twiddling their thumbs and going 'Doo Doo Doot Doo Doo....'" Bart: "Dad! The plan!" Homer: "I'm getting to that! So anyway, they're going 'Doo Doo Doot Do Do....'" Bart: "Dad!" Homer: "So anway, we get our car, and take the bridge out of town - while all the while, they're still going 'Doo Doo Doot Doo Doo....'"
Mr. Burns: "Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from a baby, but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence!"
Apu: "Oh, Mister Simpson, you are looking very prosperous today. Might I interest you in some of our impulse items here by the cash register. Perhaps a crazy motorized Wiggle Pen! (Turns on pen) Look at! The craziness!"
Homer: "Hmmmm! Organized crime!"
Abe Simpson: "I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri!"
Homer's famous "Doh!"
Homer: "Doh! - woo! - ok!"
A messa "Doh!"s
Hey Homey! I can see your doodle!"
Apu sings along to Cheap Trick's "Dream Police"
Homer: "And how is EDUCATION supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain! Remember when I took that home winemaking course and I forgot how to drive?" Marge: "That's because you were drunk!" Homer: "And how...."
All the kids go "Ewwwwww!"
Homer: "Now, excuse me while I kiss the sky!"
Bart: "You're going down, Homer - I'm gonna fool you!" Homer: "You talk better than you fool!" Bart: "I'll fool you up real nice" Homer: "You couldn't fool your Mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!"
Homer: "If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And then our kids - they'll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites - and five fingers on each hand!"
Mr. Burns (sarcastically): "Eww! The Germans are mad at me! I'm so scared! EWW, the GERMANS!" (seriously): "Uh-oh, the Germans are coming to get me...."
(Excerpt from above): "Eww! The Germans are mad at me! I'm so scared! EWW, the GERMANS!"
Grandpa Simpson: "The Good Lord lets us grow old for a reason - to gain the wisdom to find fault in everything he's made!"
Apu: "Woow, a headbag! Those are chock-full of heady goodness!"
"Alright, Mister - you want trouble, you're gonna get trouble!" Homer: "Oh, I want trouble alright!" "Then you're gonna GET trouble!" Homer: "No, YOU'RE gonna get trouble!" "Oh, that's good, thats good, cuz I want trouble!" Homer: "Then we're agreed - there'll be trouble!" "Oohh, yeah, lotsa trouble!" Homer: "Trouble it is!" "For you!" Homer: "Wa - Doh!"
The Homer Simpson answering machine message.
Homer: "Mmmmm! Hors Doo-vers!"
Homer: "Oo - OK, Marge - I'll get along with him! Then, I will hug some snakes! Yes - I will hung and kiss some poisonous snakes! (aside:) Now THAT'S sarcasm."
Bart: "Joe's Crematorium! You kill 'em, we grill 'em!"
Homer: "It looks like ketchup - it tastes like ketchup - but brother, it ain't ketchup!"
Homer: "Kiss my curvy butt Gooodbye!"
Homer: "Dad, I could kiss ya!" Grandpa: "Well, kiss me right there - it's the only part that still has feeling!"
Krusty the Clown: "If you watch my show, I will send you this book featuring me in a variety of sexually explicit positions! Wha? Ho? Hey! It's not really me - I used a stunt-butt!"
Krusty the Clown's laugh
Krusty: "Hey, kids! Wuhahahahhahhah!"
Homer: "Oh, glory of glories! Oh, heavenly testament to the eternal majesty of God's creation!"
Homer: "GREAT MERCIFUL CRAP!"
Moe the Tavern keeper takes a lie detector test.
Bart pulls a Jerky Boys routine on Moe at Moe's Tavern.
Homer: "When Marge puts on one of her non-violent programs, I take walk! - I go to a bar! - I pound a few, and I stumble home in the mood for love...."
Homer on Electric Piano does "Mr. Plow" to the tune of "Roto-rooter".
Little Wiggum: "The Doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there!"
Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something something." Marge: "Go Crazy?" Homer: "Don't mind if I do!" (& goes bananas)
Homer: "Oh, my God!"
Lisa: "Oh, you - heheheha!"
Homer: "I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone, and there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt."
Homer: "Don't tell 'em you were at a bar! But what else is open at night? (It's a pornography store! I was buying pornography!) Hehehe - I woulda never thoughta that!"
"Hand over all your money in a paper bag!" Apu: "Yes, yes - I do know the procedure for armed robbery! I do work in a convenience store, you know."
Mr. Burns: "Well, that's leprosy for you!"
A short spoof on the Beatles' "Revolution 9".
Abe: "I'm an Elk - a Mason - a Communist - I'm the President of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason - ahh! Here it is - the Stonecutters!"
Grandpa Simpson explains how the Stonecutters still control everything but using much subtler means.
Grandpa: "I feel all funny - huuuh - I'm in love! - no, wait - it's a stroke!"
Marge: "Homer, we'd like to talk to you." Homer: "But then, I won't be watching TV! You can see the bind I'm in!"
Homer: "Look, Marge - you don't know what it's like! I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line! And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! Do you want the Truth? YOU want the TRUTH? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Cuz when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge - it's Chinatown!"
Homer: "TV's always right!"
Homer: "Woo hoo!"
The Stonecutters Song
All the kids on the last day of school: "Yay!"
Homer: "Kiss my hairy yello butt."