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Monkey Business Wavs






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monkybiz.wav

The Theme to "Monkey Business".



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mbadelin.wav

The boys sing "Sweet Adeline" stowed away in the cargo hold.



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mbadelir.wav

Amidst the "walla-walla" people up on deck, the stowaway boys emerge for a not-quite Tin Pan Alley version of the above.



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mbadvant.wav

Partier: "Sir, you have the advantage of me!" Groucho: "Not yet I haven't, but wait'll I get you outside!"



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mbannoun.wav

After correcting the babes about his supposed resemblance to Gary Cooper, Groucho makes a dry introduction to the evening's buffet entertainment.



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mbbarn.wav

Chico: "You call this a barn? This looks like a stable." Groucho: "Well, if you look at it, it's a barn. If you smell it, it's a stable." Chico: "Well, let's just look at it."



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mbbeatit.wav

Groucho remarks on girls in haylofts & the latest fashion in slang as a gangster bellows from a stable.



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mbblonde.wav

Captain: "One of them goes around with a black moustache." Groucho: "So do I - if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde."



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mbbozos.wav

Alchie Briggs (Harry Woods): "Say, I can help you bozos!" Groucho: "MISTER Bozo to you!" Gangster: "Alright, MISTER Bozo."



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mbbrakes.wav

Lucille Briggs (Thelma Todd): "Well then, what do you think....!" Groucho: "I know, I know - you're a woman who's been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night."



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mbbreath.wav

Groucho: "You're just wasting your breath, and that's no great loss, either."



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mbbridge.wav

Groucho: "Captain's bridge? I'm sorry, he always keeps it in a glass of water while he's eating."



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mbcaptan.wav

Groucho: "I'm the Captain - you wanna choose up sides?!?"



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mbcatcal.wav

Groucho whines some hair-raising catcalls & makes with "the midsummer madness" since "his regiment leaves at dawn".



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mbcheva0.wav

The complete "Maurice Chevalier" skit, where they stowaway bros, having gotten Chevalier's passport, each do singing impressions of him in order to get off of the boat.

Streaming RealAudio version.



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mbcheva0.wav

Part One of the above - Zeppo bumps into Chevalier, takes his passport & the boys plan their way off the boat.



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mbcheva1.wav

Part Two - Zeppo does his Chevalier impression.



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mbcheva2.wav

Part Three - Chico & Groucho each take a crack at it.



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mbcheva3.wav

Fourth and final part - Harpo does a Chevalier impression.



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mbcheva4.wav

(From the above) - Immigration Man - "CHEVALIER, eh?"



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mbcigar.wav

Groucho: "Have a cigar, babe!"



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mbcloset.wav

Groucho makes for a hiding place in Lucille's closet & engages in classic comedy dialogue.



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mbcolomb.wav

Groucho gives a hilarious history lesson on Colombus to Chico.



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mbcsense.wav

Groucho performs the definitive salesman spoof as he sells Joe Helton (Rockcliffe Fellowes) on employing him as his bodyguard while continuing in his capacity as his assassin.



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mbdoctor.wav

Groucho shows his horse sense as a doctor.



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mbdogsli.wav

Lucille: "You don't realize it, but from the time he got the marriage license, I've had a dog's life." Groucho: "Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license?"



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mbdrinks.wav

Briggs: "Get this - I'm Alchie Briggs!" Groucho: "And I? I'm the fellow who talks so much. Fancy meeting you here after all these drinks!"



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mbearly.wav

Boat Passenger: "I got you, didn't I? Well, you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal from me!" Groucho: "He did get up early this morning, but you weren't here - could he see you some time tomorrow?"



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mbeatday.wav

Chico & Groucho perform higher math calculations to figure their unfed days.



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mbfare.wav

Groucho performs higher math calculations to figure out cab fare.



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mbfight1.wav

Groucho emcees a barn boxing match between the good & the bad guys (Part One)



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mbfight2.wav

Groucho emcees a boxing match (Part Two)



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mbfight3.wav

Groucho emcees a boxing match (Part Three)



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mbfleas.wav

Groucho: "Oh, why can't we break away from all of this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills -- I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills?"



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mbfleas2.wav

The above, which continues - Lucille: "Oh, no, I couldn't think of it!" Groucho: "Don't be afraid - you can join this lodge for a few pennies. And you won't even have to take a physical examination - unless you insist on one."



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mbflyppr.wav

Groucho (to Chico): "Would you mind getting up off of that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?"



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mbgats.wav

Alchie: "Now, when Helton comes out of his room, plug him!" Groucho: "Yeah? And what do we plug him with?" Alchie: "Didn't I give you two gats?" Groucho: "Well, we had to drown the gats - but we saved you a little black gitten."



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mbgooden.wav

Groucho: "Mrs. Briggs, I've known and respected your husband Alchie for many years - and what's good enough for him is good enough for me!"



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mbgotit.wav

Chico: "Hey, you're a nice lookin'a girl, alright. You got 'it'!" Manicurist: "Thank you." Chico: "And you can keep 'it'!"



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mbhacha1.wav

Lucille gives a "ha-cha-cha" to the tune of Groucho's guitar.



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mbhacha2.wav

Lucille & Groucho go for another "ha-cha-cha".



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mbhide.wav

Lucille: "Don't try to hide! I know you're in that closet!" Groucho: "Did you see me go in the closet?" Lucille: "No." Groucho: "Am I in the closet now?" Lucille: "Well, no." Groucho: "Then how do you know I was in the closet? Your Honor, I rest my case."



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mbhistry.wav

Groucho: "Well, now, just hop up there, little Johnny, and I'll show you a few things that you don't know about history."



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mbhorn.wav

A blast from Harpo's horn.



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mbiceman.wav

Alchie: "Come out of there! I wanna talk to you!" Groucho: "I'm sorry, but we're using the old-fashioned Ice Man, and we find him very satisifactory for keeping the house warm."



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mbiliku.wav

Groucho: "Come here, babe, I like you!" Lucille: "Oh, I shouldn't! What about my husband?" Groucho: "That's alright, maybe we can get a girl for him!"



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mbiliku2.wav

(From the above) - Groucho: "Come here, babe, I like you!"



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mbimmigr.wav

Groucho: "There's my argument - restrict immigration!"



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mbimwise.wav

Alchie: "I'm wise! I'm wise!" Groucho: "You're wise, eh? Well, what's the capital of Nebraska? What's the capital of the Chase National Bank? Give up?" Alchie: "You..." Groucho: "Now I'll try you on an easy one - how many Frenchman can't be wrong?" Alchie: "I know..." Groucho: "You were warm, and so was she, but don't be discouraged! With a little study, you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now!"



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mbinnuen.wav

Deva: "I don't like this innuendo!" Groucho: "That's what I always say - Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo."



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mbintro.wav

The Captain first learns of the stowaway brothers from the first mate.



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mbinvita.wav

Thug: "Hey, have you guys got an invitation?" Chico: "We give the invitation of Chevalier!" Chico & Harpo: "When the nightingale can sing like you..." Thug: "That's it, cut it out!"



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mblawyer.wav

Lucille: "I didn't know you were a lawyer. You're awfully shy for a lawyer." Chico: "You bet I'm shy! I'm a shyster lawyer!"



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mbloftal.wav

Gangster: "Keep out of this loft!" Chico: "Well, it's better to have loft and lost then never to have loft at all!" Groucho: "Nice work!"



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mblunch.wav

Steward: "And would you like to have anything before lunch?" Chico: "Yes, breakfast!"



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mbmakeme.wav

Groucho: "Madam, you're making history! In fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself!"



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mbmustac.wav

Groucho & Chico storm the Captain's quarters.



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mbnurse.wav

Groucho: "I don't know - when I woke up, there was the Nurse taking care of me." Chico: "What's the matter, couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" Groucho: "You bet she could, but I found it out too late."



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mboemily.wav

Groucho interrupts a cladestine rendezvous.



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mboffbed.wav

The Lucille interrogates the closet crasher Groucho.



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mboyskis.wav

Alchie: "Is there anything you've got to say before I drill ya?" Groucho: "Yes, I'd like to ask you one question." Alchie: "Go ahead." Groucho: "Do you think that girls think less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? I mean, don't you think that although girls go out with boys like me, they always marry the other kind?"



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mbpants.wav

Passenger: "What's the idea of puttin' your hand in my pocket?" Chico: "Just a little mistake. I had a suit once that looked just like that, and for a minute, I thought those were my pants."



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mbpatien.wav

Passenger: "I'm not the patient!" Chico: "Well - we're not the doctor, come on!"



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mbpaytuf.wav

Chico negotiates pay with Helton as a function of tough for himself & Harpo.



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mbpickup.wav

Helton organizes a posse from his gala party to go and save his daughter from Alchie Briggs.



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mbreakin.wav

Interloper Groucho handles Alchie with kid gloves as Mrs. Briggs hides in the closet.



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mbreport.wav

Deva: "Oh, you impudent cad! I'll report you to your paper!" Groucho: "I'll thank you to let me do the reporting! Is true you're getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight? Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth? Is it true you used to dance in a flea circus?"



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mbrickab.wav

Groucho: "Now then, my friends, what am I offered for this fine French piece of brickabrak?"



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mbroom.wav

Chico: "Hey, maybe there's somebody in that room!" Groucho: "There's someboy in that closet there," (pushes Captain inside) "and I think it's you, Captain!"



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mbsettld.wav

Groucho: "Alright, then it's all settled. I'm to be your new bodyguard. In case I'm gonna attack you, I'll have to be there to defend you, too. Now let me know when you wanna be attacked, and I'll be there ten minutes later to defend you."



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mbsettle.wav

Ersatz Lawyer Groucho makes divorce arrangements for Alchie's wife Lucille so he can have her for himself.



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mbsneak.wav

Immigration Man: "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Groucho: "Well, I'm just trying to sneak off the boat, that's all!"



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mbspying.wav

Groucho: "I'm spying on you!"



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mbspyme.wav

Alchie: "What are doin' out here? I thought I told you to spy on Helton!" Groucho: "I did spy on him." Alchie: "What was he doing?" Groucho: "He was spyin' on me!" Alchie: "Did he see ya?" Groucho: "Nah, I was too foxy for him. All he could do was spy on me."



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mbstockh.wav

Chico: "You better keep quiet! We're a couple of big stockholders in this company!" Captain: "Stockholders, huh? Well, you look like a couple of stowaways to me!" Groucho: "Well, don't forget, my fine fellow, that the stockholder of yesteryear is the stowaway of today!"



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mbstoway.wav

Stowaway Groucho first meets the Captain in this classic comedy bit.



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mbstudy.wav

Groucho: "With a little study, you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now."



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mbtango.wav

Groucho tangos with the Lucille at Helton's party.



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mbthomas.wav

Lucille: "You can't stay in that closet!" Groucho: "Oh I can't, can I? That's what they said to Thomas Edison, mighty inventor, Thomas Lindbergh, mighty flier, and Tomashevsky, "Mighty Like a Rose"! Just remember, my little cabbage, that if there weren't any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks, and if there weren't any hooks, there wouldn't be any fish, and that would suit me fine!"



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mbtravel.wav

The stowaway bros catch up on each other as they first emerge from their pickle barrels.



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mburturn.wav

Groucho referees an argument between Mister and Misses Briggs.



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mbvessel.wav

Groucho: "Don't you know what 'vessel' is?" Chico: "Sure, I can vessel!" (whistles) Groucho: "Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?"



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mbuyback.wav

(From the above) - Groucho: "Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?"



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mbwallop.wav

Lucille: "No, no, no, don't! My husband might be inside, and if he finds me out here, he'll wallop me!" Groucho: "Always thinking of your husband. Couldn't I wallop you just as well?"



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mbwokeup.wav

Groucho: "I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me."



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mbzowie3.wav

Groucho: "Zowie! Zowie! ZOWIE!"



All sounds digitized by J. C. Kaelin, Jr. 1995.
All pictures digitized by J. C. Kaelin, Jr. 1996-1998.







© 1996-2014, J. C. Kaelin, Jr.. All Rights Reserved.

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